When people ask me what Tumblr is, I tell them "It's like Narnia." I ripped that idea off an old Tumblr post talking about what Chicago would be like if it had an internet equivalent (Twitter) or what Facebook would be ( I actually forgot this one) and then for Tumblr, someone put down "Narnia". It stuck.
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I read alot. Or at least, I used to finish novels. Now, I don't have time and my mom isn't so permissive about it thanks to ACT season, so I live on Wikipedia and devour Amazon snippets of my favorite books or of books I want to read. This is probably a waste of time, and the reason why I'm only on book 18 for the Ultra-Reading Marathon (You're supposed to hit 44 books by April. That ain't happening)
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My favorite books aren't the best written ones, or my favorites to fangirl about. They aren't the literary classics I can rant about for six years or the ones that everybody else loves.
They are the books that make me feel at home.
I get them, and they get me. They tell stories about things I believe in and value with characters I can relate to and situations, however fantasylike or unrealistic, that I can relate to. They help me remember and believe the things I don't want to ever forget. Love is stronger than death, resistance is not futile, we are what we make ourselves regardless of biology and neuroscience, we are not alone. Lots of things.
These are the books I love.
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I need these reminders. I need these reminders because I live in a situation where I see shitty things happen to good people for complicated screwed up reasons. I don't know how to comfort these people without making it worse or alienating others, I don't know how to do the right thing.
When these things happen, bitterness and hatred overwhelm me and I want to scream at the world that these things are not right.
I need these things to remember the values that I'm scared of losing.
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One day, something terrible will happen directly to me, or to someone I love. Not the gradual assholeness that dissipates over time, but something Terrible. Someone might die or something I can't predict. I won't be able to control it.
That's the day I fear, when everything I believe in cracks and I start to believe in the lying biases in my head instead of the things I should believe in. I can't let that happen.
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So I scroll on Tumblr and read books when I'm sad. I read Quran and try to be a good Muslim too, but I would be lying if I didn't say that those two things comforted me just as much as the Quran did.
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