Usually, I like to look at the past nostagically and think "Wow, things have changed," with a self-satisfied smirk.
This year they really have changed though.
I don't say that with the self-satisfied smirk that I used to. I'm not comparing the person I am to the person I was and viewing her with contempt.
But I do see a difference.
Even rereading my old posts, I see someone who wanted to impress people and be happy. I saw someone who wanted to figure it all out.
I don't feel that way anymore.
I'm more ambitious than before, but I'm not as "hungry," if that makes sense.
It's weird, but I'm glad it happened.
It's as if all those things that happened this year made me better without me ever realizing it.
Like, those flaws I had are still there, but they don't matter as much.
I don't think this is bullshit, and I don't think I've morphed into some butterfly who is badass and strong. But I don't know, the same things that nagged me at night and drove me to write posts don't bother me as much anymore.
So what if I don't have that many friends. So what if I don't know about anything that goes on in the school. So what.
Things change and get better and its a waste of time to wallow over the past when the future is still in front of you.
I don't know, that's what I think.
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