Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Finis: A Response to "Writing"

I've rewritten this blog post three times.
The first two were emotionally satisfying blog rants about my opinions. This post should hopefully be something else.
In latin, Finis means end, or in other words, finished.
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Writing is an art because it is a bitch. Say what you want about metaphorical you's making you slave and suffer,  (Not that there is anything wrong with that. It just doesn't work for me) but in my perspective, it is because you owe a debt to the words that it is a bitch.
It could be easy. It could be the rambling ugly posts that I put here often without editing. It could be self-satisfied rants and fantasies. That's what writing could be if we didn't owe it to ourselves and the words we love that we do better.
Writing isn't hard. Monkeys can type words into keyboards. It's crafting stories and universes out of sheer words that's difficult, of gently pushing ideas into one's mind without declaring your opinion too loudly that's hard.
That's all.
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*I would be totally lying if I said I got that great great word from something other than the end of two of my favorite manga series back in middle school (Both of which all of you should read because let's face it, these two series are more complex than 99% of any books I read), and like any other pretentious middle schooler, have kept it latched in my brain until a moment like this has arrived
**On that note, I highly highly recommend The Infernal Devices series, which contains the excellent quote "We live and breathe words" (It also helps that the main character and her love interest are both obsessed with books.) And no, I'm not over Clockwork Princess. But I do have a copy of the first book to lend if anyone wants to read it.

Monday, March 25, 2013

My Drawers (An incoherent rant)

Friday night, I was cleaning the drawers next to my bed. I was in the mood for spring cleaning, for completely wiping everything I didn't like out of the way so I could work better and harder, to make up for my apathy during the 3rd quarter as my grades crashed down beside me. I emptied the first drawer, and in a moment of epiphany, dumped the contents of the third drawer as well. There I saw a ton of memories fighting for reconciliation all at once. Cleaning it all up took awhile.
First there was a letter that my "friends" (To this day, I don't know what these people really thought of me but I'll go with friends) wrote for my 14th birthday that made me the happiest person alive for a day. I don't know why I like it so much, but I do. It's a purple, papery envelope embroidered by a doodle of a ninja with a matching plainly purple card in the inside, signed by people I knew in my grade.
There was also the bootleg dvds from Syria that we all thought were great at one point in our lives, copies of Advocate written by people who have long graduated, an old napkin with an aol account scribbled on it that I never bothered to contact, etc etc.
Most of this stuff had to be tucked away into another box or two, or simply thrown away with lack of relevence and age. It got me thinking though, that I did have a life before this one, the one I have at Hinsdale Central. Like, its so easy to forget about the things that you have tucked away in drawers you barely ever open and look at, and its really hard to remember in full detail rather than in cursory remembrance the person you used to be.
It's a comfort in a way though. That there was someone here and that your memory is the least accurate narrative of what kind of person you are as a whole. You know?
I am a terrible writer. BUT WHATEVER.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

FINAL DRAFT

So here it is
Final draft.
The baby has been delivered.
(Too late to help me now, I sent it to my teacher since I have a field trip tomorrow. This is for your viewing pleasure)
 
Evil Incarnate

I was always interested in the villains. They had always fascinated (and admittedly, horrified) me in how they didn’t care for anyone but themselves, but then were still able to fool themselves into thinking that they were the heroes. That seemed ridiculous to me, but also kind of impressive. Of course, I didn’t understand what evil really meant. I thought evil was when an unconscious Faustian Contract; that the poor victim would choose a path of evil in the pursuit of some worldly thing. This perspective was by no means unaided by my favorite books and movies, or rather, I wouldn’t have liked those books and movies so much if it weren’t for that perspective. To me, evil was never intentional. It was a tragic accident.
That changed when my sister convinced me to start watching Criminal Minds with her between episodes of Hannah Montana and Suite Life of Zach and Cody. Each episode followed the same stylistic arc that never seemed to bore me: The BAU (Behavioral Analysis Unit) would examine the evidence of a recent crime, and then use it to profile what kind of person the “unsub” could be. The BAU would then catch the culprit with less than a minute to spare. Criminal Mind’s main problem isn’t that it isn’t good-hardly-but that it’s too simplistic in its designation of villain. For a long time, I thought evil was psychopathy. I didn’t think villains were anymore than the cumulative result of years of maliciousness. People didn’t transform into beasts; they were beasts from the beginning.
That’s a rather easy way of looking at life, but it isn’t true. In the 1971 Stanford Experiment, “good, normal, intelligent college students” were selected out of a pool of applicants, and placed into a faux basement prison. Dr. Philip Zimbardo created the experiment to observe how participants would embody their assigned roles as either prisoner or prison guard. (Zimbardo 20) The experiment, in that regard, was a terrifying success.
On the first day of the experiment, the prison guards were stripping rebellious prisoners of their clothing and their mattresses as punishment. Before okaying the experiment, the Human Subject Research Committee demanded the presence of a fire extinguisher in the faux-prison “in case of an emergency.” The guards soon found a use for it. The guards whacked the fire extinguisher against cell bars in order to subdue rebellious prisoners, and then sprayed inmates with frigid CO2 inside the extinguisher to order to end the insurrection. This was the second day. (Zimbardo 61) The experiment was ended on the sixth day, after a graduate student pleaded to Dr. Zimbardo about the dehumanization of the prisoners by the guards, and implored that he was responsible for it. The experiment was meant to last two weeks. (“Psychologist Investigates The Origins Of Evil.") This is what happened to ordinary Americans after a week of being in a fake prison.
These were the kids meant to represent “middle-class, educated youth.”  (Zimbardo 33) And yet, it only six days for them to become the villains we so revile and despise in the media. The participants were “transformed into either brutal, sadistic guards or emotionally broken prisoners.” To the creator of the experiment, the lesson to be learned is that “powerful situations corrupt most people.” (“Psychologist Investigates The Origins Of Evil”)
I don’t say that to suggest that we’re all psychopaths waiting for our moment to shine. It’s just, how could one claim to be morally just or good when they haven’t been through such a corruptive situation? Who are we to be so arrogant to think we’re good when, clearly, we could so clearly be made not so within less than week? Are we so weak against, pardon my cliché, the forces of evil?
In the film The Dark Knight, Harvey Dent is sitting around with his fiancé Rachel and Bruce Wayne when the topic of the morality of power comes up. In the discussion, Dent delivers this oft-quoted line-“You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become a villain.” (The Dark Knight) This question seemed uninteresting to me at the time of the movie’s release because to me, that sort of defeatist attitude was the exact thing that permitted evil to win, as it did later in Harvey Dent. Even so, I still wonder now whether there’s any credibility to that quote
Dent’s not the first one to make philosophical notions about evil. Almost every society has blamed at least something for evil. The Greeks blamed the folly of flesh for interfering with the perfect human soul, while the Old Testament ragged on the soul’s imperfect pride for corrupting humanity. (Ladd) The Salem Witch Trials chased imaginary witches in the pursuit of evil, and the Spanish Inquisition hunted down whatever Jews and Muslims remained in 16th century Spain to find it. The Abrahamic religions, through a shallow lens, seem to blame Satan for all evil, but we’re the ones held accountable on Judgment Day for falling to “The Whisperer.” Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.
Science pins the blame of evil on four major factors, at least according to social psychologist Baumeister: “a desire for material gain, threatened egotism, idealism, and a sadistic pursuit of pleasure.” (Scimecca) Birgit and Daniel Katkin dissect evil into two major categories in their analysis of Heart of Darkness: banal evil and primeval evil.  Primeval evil is the sadistic, “monstrous, spectacular” evil that we’re used to seeing in our favorite fantasy novels and in our horror films. Banal evil, on the other hand, is the subtler, nuanced evil that’s “comfortable” and easy, as simple as someone who “sees but cannot act.” (Maier-Katkin, Birgit, and Daniel Maier-Katkin ) Banal evil is, in essence, conforming to something terrible.
I can’t help but be biased when I claim that I don’t remember ever committing banal evil, at least at the forefront of my mind. I do remember reading about how the town of Dachau adapted and flourished even when Jews were dying by the thousands in a concentration camp little than a mile from where they lived. (Scimecca) I also remember hearing about how children in Syria were being shot and tortured while Bashar Assad’s wife ordered Harry Potter DVDs for her children. I remember hearing about the catastrophe in Syria, feeling horrified, and then not doing much else except continuing to feel horrified.
The strange thing about these evils, literary or scientific or social-is that they share a common root: pride. They all depend on an unwillingness to sacrifice a selfish interest for a selfless one. Whatever events lead to one’s Fall, no matter how skewed in justification, a villain’s conversion to evil was not complete without an assumption that they were entitled something, and should be allowed to commit whatever crime they did to obtain it. The main difference between the books and real life is that the pride in books was an absolute constant without a mingling of guilt. Steve Leonard of the Saga of Darren Shan series justified his entire life quest to destroy the main character’s life (and that of his mentor’s) through the simple hatred of the fact that the mentor, who Leonard had once idolized,  “called me evil!” (Allies of the Night) Warped in a sense of entitlement and self-justification, classical villains are trapped in the suffocating prison of themselves. Dr. Zimbardo labeled this kind of all-consuming, self-obsessed pride as the “sins of the Wolf” and mentions that in Dante’s Inferno, the lowest circle of Hell is dedicated to committers of this grievous blasphemy. (Zimbardo 4)
Most of us don’t commit sins of the wolf, nor do we spend our lives slaving after a delusional goal. So what do we do? In this regard, we’re the opposite of Satan: We can do evil things, but we aren’t evil. On a day-to-day basis, most of us are flawed human beings trying to figure out how to live and be happy. Undoubtedly, most of conflate our goals with our desire for happiness, and thus find it easier to sacrifice certain values in exchange for our dreams coming true. But there’s rarely the absolute sacrifice of all that is good in exchange for evil. Most of the kids in the Stanford Experiment returned to civilian life. One of the worst guards in the faux-prison is now “a happily married mortgage-broker,” (“Psychologist Investigates The Origins Of Evil”) People can change.
I guess the moral of all this can be summarized in a stanza taken from Nobel-prize winning poet Czeslaw Milosz’s poem Unde Malum. It was written in response to a fellow poet’s piece regarding evil as a devastatingly human quality.
 “Without witness/evil disappears from the world/ and consciousness with it /Of course, dear Tadeusz/ evil (and good) comes from man.”                                     C. Milosz
In there lies my hope.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Red Alert Red Alert-Editing Time

So I'm about done with this essay. Phew. What a magnum opus. Jk, it's really not, but it is something. Six pages of something that isn't total crap. (Hopefully)
This is where I need help!
Unsurprisingly, if you've read this blog long enough, you know I abuse grammar the way an old person beats the crap out of any proper usage of hip terms.
So yeah, HELPS.
Grammar Nazis, this is your time to shine! Come on board and help me sort through the crapfest that is my essay! Comment below and rag all you like on the stylistic/grammar nitty bits, and any comments you have in general about it.
Thanks :)

                                                                   Evil Incarnate

I was always interested in the villains. They had always fascinated (and admittedly, horrified) me in how they didn’t care for anyone but themselves, but then were still able to fool themselves into thinking that they were the heroes. That seemed ridiculous to me, but also kind of impressive. Of course, I didn’t understand what evil really meant. I thought evil was when an unconscious Faustian Contract; that the poor victim would choose a path of evil in the pursuit of some worldly thing. This perspective was by no means unaided by my favorite books and movies, or rather, I wouldn’t have liked those books and movies so much if it weren’t for that perspective. To me, evil was never intentional. It was a tragic accident.
That changed when my sister convinced me to start watching Criminal Minds with her between episodes of Hannah Montana and Suite Life of Zach and Cody. Each episode followed the same stylistic arc that never seemed to bore me: The BAU (Behavioral Analysis Unit) would examine the evidence of a recent crime, and then use it to profile what kind of person the “unsub” could be. The BAU would then catch the culprit with less than a minute to spare. Criminal Mind’s main problem isn’t that it isn’t good-hardly-but that it’s too simplistic in its designation of villain. For a long time, I thought evil was psychopathy. I didn’t think villains were anymore than the cumulative result of years of maliciousness. People didn’t transform into beasts; they were beasts from the beginning.
That’s a rather easy way of looking at life, but it isn’t true. In the 1971 Stanford Experiment, “good, normal, intelligent college students” were selected out of a pool of applicants, and placed into a faux basement prison. Dr. Philip Zimbardo created the experiment to observe how participants would embody their assigned roles as either prisoner or prison guard. The experiment, in that regard, was a terrifying success.
On the first day of the experiment, the prison guards were stripping rebellious prisoners of their clothing and their mattresses as punishment. Before okaying the experiment, the Human Subject Research Committee demanded the presence of a fire extinguisher in the faux-prison “in case of an emergency.” The guards soon found a use for it. The guards whacked the fire extinguisher against cell bars in order to subdue rebellious prisoners, and then sprayed inmates with frigid CO2 inside the extinguisher to order to end the insurrection. This was the second day. (Zimbardo) The experiment was ended on the sixth day, after a graduate student pleaded to Dr. Zimbardo about the dehumanization of the prisoners by the guards, and implored that he was responsible for it. The experiment was meant to last two weeks. (“Psychologist Investigates The Origins Of Evil.") This is what happened to ordinary Americans after a week of being in a fake prison.
These were the kids meant to represent “middle-class, educated youth.” And yet, it only six days for them to become the villains we so revile and despise in the media. The participants were “transformed into either brutal, sadistic guards or emotionally broken prisoners.” To the creator of the experiment, the lesson to be learned is that “powerful situations corrupt most people.”
I don’t say that to suggest that we’re all psychopaths waiting for our moment to shine. It’s just, how could one claim to be morally just or good when they haven’t been through such a corruptive situation? Who are we to be so arrogant to think we’re good when, clearly, we could so clearly be made not so within less than week? Are we so weak against, pardon my cliché, the forces of evil?
In the film The Dark Knight, Harvey Dent is sitting around with his fiancé Rachel and the elusive Bruce Wayne when the topic of the morality of power comes into play. They discuss, enjoying themselves at a leisurely dinner before Dent has his life ripped apart by the musings of the Joker In the discussion, Dent delivers this oft-quoted line-“You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become a villain.” (The Dark Knight) This question seemed uninteresting to me at the time of the movie’s release because to me, that sort of defeatist attitude was the exact thing that permitted evil to win, as it did later in Harvey Dent. Even so, I still wonder now whether there’s any credibility to that quote, whether anybody really is incorruptible.
Dent’s not the first one to make philosophical notions about evil. Almost every society has blamed at least something for evil. The Greeks blamed the folly of flesh for interfering with the perfect human soul, while the Old Testament ragged on the soul’s imperfect pride for corrupting humanity. (Ladd) The Salem Witch Trials chased imaginary witches in the pursuit of evil, and the Spanish Inquisition hunted down whatever Jews and Muslims remained in 16th century Spain to find it. The Abrahamic religions, through a shallow lens, seem to blame Satan for all evil, but we’re the ones held accountable on Judgment Day for falling to “The Whisperer.” Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.
Science pins the blame of evil on four major factors, at least according to social psychologist Baumeister: “a desire for material gain, threatened egotism, idealism, and a sadistic pursuit of pleasure.” (Scimecca) Birgit and Daniel Katkin dissect evil into two major categories in their analysis of Heart of Darkness: banal evil and primeval evil.  Primeval evil is the sadistic, “monstrous, spectacular” evil that we’re used to seeing in our favorite fantasy novels and in our horror films. Banal evil, on the other hand, is the subtler, nuanced evil that’s “comfortable” and easy, as simple as someone who “sees but cannot act.” (Maier-Katkin, Birgit, and Daniel Maier-Katkin ) Banal evil is, in essence, conforming to something terrible.
I can’t help but be biased when I claim that I don’t remember ever committing banal evil, at least at the forefront of my mind. I do remember reading about how the town of Dachau adapted and flourished even when Jews were dying by the thousands in a concentration camp little than a mile from where they lived. (Zimbardo) I also remember hearing about how children in Syria were being shot and tortured while Bashar Assad’s wife ordered Harry Potter DVDs for her children. I remember hearing about the catastrophe in Syria, feeling horrified, and then not doing much else except continuing to feel horrified.
The strange thing about these evils, literary or scientific or social-is that they share a common root: pride. They all depend on an unwillingness to sacrifice a selfish interest for a selfless one. Whatever events lead to one’s Fall, no matter how skewed in justification, a villain’s conversion to evil was not complete without an assumption that they were entitled something, and should be allowed to commit whatever crime they did to obtain it. The main difference between the books and real life is that the pride in books was an absolute constant without a mingling of guilt. Voldemort felt no empathy from birth, and Valentine Morgenstern was a charismatic jerk that stepped on people while justifying himself as God’s servant. Steve Leonard of the Saga of Darren Shan series justified his entire life quest to destroy the main character’s life (and that of his mentor’s) through the simple hatred of the fact that the mentor, who Leonard had once idolized,  “called me evil!” (Allies of the Night) Warped in a sense of entitlement and self-justification, classical villains are trapped in the suffocating prison of themselves. Dr. Zimbardo labeled this kind of all-consuming, self-obsessed pride as the “sins of the Wolf” and mentions that in Dante’s Inferno, the lowest circle of Hell is dedicated to committers of this grievous blasphemy. (Zimbardo)
Most of us don’t commit sins of the wolf, nor do we spend our lives slaving after a delusional goal. So what do we do? In this regard, we’re, ironically, the opposite of Satan: We can do evil things, but we aren’t evil. On a day-to-day basis, most of us are flawed human beings trying to figure out how to live and be happy. Undoubtedly, most of conflate our goals with our desire for happiness, and thus find it less or more easy to sacrifice certain values in exchange for them. But there’s rarely the absolute sacrifice of all that is good in exchange for evil. Most of the kids in the Stanford Experiment returned to civilian life. One of the worst guards in the faux-prison is now “a happily married mortgage-broker,” () People can change.
I guess the moral of all this can be summarized in a stanza taken from Nobel-prize winning poet Czeslaw Milosz’s poem Unde Malum. It was written in response to a fellow poet’s agonized piece written in despair of human futility.
 “Without witness/evil disappears from the world/ and consciousness with it /Of course, dear Tadeusz/ evil (and good) comes from man.”

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

On Being A Good Friend (A semi-rant)

Which I am shitty at.
I'm not a romantic, or if I were, I'm a romantic only because any other option makes life less than it could be. I prefer truth, hard cold truth that you can use as a crutch to pull you out of despair and into real life as a genuinely good human, the way of becoming a classical hero.
I'm a romantic about friends though.
Maybe it's because I haven't really been through it enough times, the day in day out of being real friends with somebody to the point where you know each other well enough to expect each other's moves but still be amazed at the contradictions in their behavior and the paradoxes in their thoughts but you still love them anyways.
I've had one friend for that. I don't mind that.
I've been listening to Charlie's Last Letter alot this week, particularly because I keep feeling alone when I'm surrounded with people that now like me but don't know me but I want to know them. There's this line that always sticks with me about how "driving with the people you love most in this world" that makes me wish I could know more people like that and love them for it.
But they don't let me or maybe I don't know how to let them and I'm shitty at helping them through bad times so of course they won't trust someone like me.
For the last several months, I've lent one of my favorite books to a friend of mine from Creative Writing. I lent it the day before Winter Break, she still hasn't given it back to me. I message her asking for it, she messages me back and we decide that she can drop it off at my house. In that message, she says "There's been alot going on" and then I feel like shit because I was supposed to be there for her and at what point I was there for her because she told me a terrible terrible secret that I kept with me. I thought that meant we were friends and we are and in the hall, she sees me and promises me to give it back today with an explaination, I hope deep down that maybe it'll work out. But it doesn't. She didn't drop it off today at all.
The weird thing is that I don't really blame her, I'm mad at myself for somehow losing her trust and screwing up what could've been a good friendship.
In DVP, there was this girl that I was kinda friends with (See, I don't know what friend really means anymore. An acquataince you talk to in class sometimes? Someone you give your deepest darkest secrets to? I don't know) who was texting her mom about something serious, and looked really really tired and sad. I scribbled "Are you okay?" in Sharpie cuz I felt bad and I wanted to help, but she said no and "Thanks for asking though." Somehow, Mr. Russo tells her something (I'm assuming it was permission to go to the bathroom and asking about the problem. He's a really chill, cool guy) and then she leaves the classroom with her face red and eyes blinking. Her best friend S immediately asks her group to continue editing, and then leaves the classroom. They don't come back before the end of the period.
Meanwhile, I'm sitting there feeling like shit for not being able to do anything but embarrass myself and crack a few jokes.
The weird thing is that none of my "friends" (except for that one I keep mentioning) have ever done anything remotely similar to that except for the friend I lent the book to in Creative Writing. At least then she let me help and I tried to be there, but soon enough that was gone too.
I don't want to see my friends breakdown or anything, it's just that everyone's human and I don't think I see that side of people. It's like I'm friends with people when their in a good mood and they suddenly disappear when they feel like shit or they hide it from me too well for me to notice or help.
I don't know what to do.

Friday, March 8, 2013

Moments of Awe

You know those moments when your heart gets whelmed (not overwhelmed or underwhelmed, but just whelmed) with flurries of hope after you see something that reminds you that there is good in this world without corruption, there is such a thing as selflessness without a consequential Fall into "evil"
I just had one of those moments.
This isn't the first time it's happened. I can name several. When I put down Looking For Alaska by John Green during the Winter Break of 2010 and just stared at the cover in silence, thinking that this book has changed me. A year later, when I finished the head-long emotional rollar coaster of reading The Fault In Our Stars two weeks before anybody else, and feeling overwhelmed with the sheer beauty and wonderfulness of the book. There are others from earlier times, from finishing Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood to closing the last page of the second-to-last book in the Saga of Darren Shan series. And now.
Anyways, I was porcrostinating on my essay, and then doing what I do best, I went on Tumblr.
And found this.
If anyone ever asks me "What do you want to do with your writing?" or hell, even my life, I'll tell them "This."
That small comic gave me hope, more hope than any six page essay I've read in the last two months. It gave me real, genuine hope about goodness, how it's possible to do good in this world without succumbing to life's tragedies and still remaining one's self, still going good.
I like that reminder.
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In Spanish today, Senora asked us to talk to our buddies about "Do you remember a moment when you had lots of hope?" My partner didn't really answer, and asked Senora to clarify the question. By that time, class had begun and we moved on from the warm up.
I guess I have hope now. Not tons of it, but for once I don't feel wrong in feeling good about something, without having to fear that what I'm thinking is wrong or selfish or silly.
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Malala, as depicted in the comic, had a diary. In it, she wrote about how her mother enjoyed Malala's penname over her real one. Malala agreed, saying "I also like the name because my real name means 'grief stricken'."
I might be a sentimentalist, but now I liken it to hero.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Safe Havens

When people ask me what Tumblr is, I tell them "It's like Narnia." I ripped that idea off an old Tumblr post talking about what Chicago would be like if it had an internet equivalent (Twitter) or what Facebook would be ( I actually forgot this one) and then for Tumblr, someone put down "Narnia". It stuck.
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I read alot. Or at least, I used to finish novels. Now, I don't have time and my mom isn't so permissive about it thanks to ACT season, so I live on Wikipedia and devour Amazon snippets of my favorite books or of books I want to read. This is probably a waste of time, and the reason why I'm only on book 18 for the Ultra-Reading Marathon (You're supposed to hit 44 books by April. That ain't happening)
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My favorite books aren't the best written ones, or my favorites to fangirl about. They aren't the literary classics I can rant about for six years or the ones that everybody else loves.
They are the books that make me feel at home.
I get them, and they get me. They tell stories about things I believe in and value with characters I can relate to and situations, however fantasylike or unrealistic, that I can relate to. They help me remember and believe the things I don't want to ever forget. Love is stronger than death, resistance is not futile, we are what we make ourselves regardless of biology and neuroscience, we are not alone. Lots of things.
These are the books I love.
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I need these reminders. I need these reminders because I live in a situation where I see shitty things happen to good people for complicated screwed up reasons. I don't know how to comfort these people without making it worse or alienating others, I don't know how to do the right thing.
When these things happen, bitterness and hatred overwhelm me and I want to scream at the world that these things are not right.
I need these things to remember the values that I'm scared of losing.
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One day, something terrible will happen directly to me, or to someone I love. Not the gradual assholeness that dissipates over time, but something Terrible. Someone might die or something I can't predict. I won't be able to control it.
That's the day I fear, when everything I believe in cracks and I start to believe in the lying biases in my head instead of the things I should believe in. I can't let that happen.
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So I scroll on Tumblr and read books when I'm sad. I read Quran and try to be a good Muslim too, but I would be lying if I didn't say that those two things comforted me just as much as the Quran did.
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